cry baby

I just watched Love and Basketball and seeing it for the umpth-teenth time still evoked the same emotions as it did when I saw it the first time. In the end when they embrace, after the game becomes a double or nothing, I cry. I don't boo who like I did when I first saw it but I let a tear or two roll down my face. The scene reminds me of the first time I felt like I was in love... I was young so that's why I consider it a thought and not the reality (I just tell myself that but I was in love). We were young and everything was so raw and so real and then he hurt me. I choked when I asked him, Why? I cried even harder when he didn't have a logical answer. It was then I decided I didn't want to give my heart ever again, no man was deserving of it. I was young and I had experienced my first love and loss but I realized it was the greatest thrill of my life and even though I tried to convince myself I wouldn't give my heart out again, I couldn't help but to secretly hope I would feel that rush again. Everytime I watch that scene I go through the emotions of what it feels like to have loved and loss and then love again. At this point I've been rebuilding my heart so that its strong enough to love again even if there's pain involved.

-beanz