A Ring? Try Putting a Title On It

A Ring? Try Putting a Title On It

by T.S Johnson on Tuesday August 3rd 2010

So on the Vh-1 hit “What Chilli Wants,” Chilli went on a date with the super fine Keston Karter and Keston explained how he dated a woman for an entire year, but she wasn’t his girlfriend. He cared for her and they spent all kinds of time together, but she wasn’t his girlfriend. They weren’t seeing anyone else, but she wasn’t his girlfriend. And when Chilli asked why she wasn’t his girlfriend, he said something about titles being limiting.

Chilli look dumbfounded and truth be told so was I.

I call this scenario the “Quasi-Relationship” with the “Not-Boyfriend.” You all are together in every way, but name only and since he’s not your boyfriend, a fact he will gladly remind you of the moment he does something you don’t like, you don’t really have any say in what he does or doesn’t do. How convenient for him.

I get the man’s side of this. It’s the perfect set-up. You get to have the exclusivity of having a girlfriend, but without any of the commitment -because let’s face it…the difference between calling a chick your “friend” and your “girlfriend,” is how you view your commitment to her.

At the end of the day you teach people how to treat you and somewhere along the us womenfolk have given men many new and creative ways to avoid committing to us. It’s not enough that many men will date a woman for years and hop-skip-run and jump to avoid “putting a ring on it.” Now they don’t want to claim you as their girlfriend, the most basic form of commitment.

Beyonce’s anthem was calling for a ring, but let’s be real, if you can’t get a man to put a title on it, how in the hell are you ever going to get him to put a ring on it?

It’s the same thing with the difference between (most) co-habiting couples and married couples. The married couples have taken a firm commitment to each other. The co-habiting couples tend to be there on a “try and see” basis.

However, for women, these low-commitment relationships rarely work. Every woman I know in one of these quasi-relationships is rarely truly happy with the situation. Most want a title, but they agree because they really care for the guy and he’s somehow convinced him that, though he’s not ready now, he will be someday.

Someday.

The reality is, just like with the promise of a ring, someday never comes. Just as the co-habiting couple rarely turns to marriage, the quasi-relationship rarely turns into a full relationship. And in the end many women end up hurt, bitter with another failed “relationship” to get over. Why put up with the drama of a relationship, the ups and downs, the possible (and likely) heartbreak if you don’t even have a firm commitment from the guy you’re involved with?

I believe a woman is selling herself short if what she wants is a relationship and instead she settles for this poor substitute. If you want a relationship have a relationship. There’s no shame in that and there’s no shame in telling a man what you want and expect from him. Your wants, needs and desires shouldn’t be held up because some man in your life isn’t ready. If he’s not ready…move on…let him know to hit you up when he is…and hope you’re not already taken.