"Different"

Have you ever taken the time to look inside yourself? I mean really examine your character, your demeanor, your intangible assets? I've always been the type to do such things, I carefully analyze where I have grown and parts of myself that have suffered from some sort of emotional depletion. Honestly, most people don't take the time to do this because they are often afraid of what they might find, they afraid of facing that ugly side of them that is insecure, that suffers from jealously, that is a little bit ignorant, one that is sensitive and weak and that side that just might be that BITCH everyone whispers loudly about. I consider this self-analyzation one that is both a gift and a curse. On one hand I take a positive self-inventory and I refurbish what is missing and I eliminate what does not belong. On the other hand others perception of me affect me greatly, it makes me sensitive.

I have constantly battled with trying to teach myself not to give a damn, with my feelings of conforming. I mean seriously who wants to be a pageant girl all of their life, where everything is all smile and wave? This behavior of mine has played to my advantage in my relationships. Sometimes we women do not give enough credit to men and their intuivness. We assume everything is a how fast can I sleep with her game? It's not although for some it may be, depending on the woman. I've learned that as soon as a man has his first conversation with you he already knows how everything is going to span out. 1. He will realize there is an area of insecurity and vunerablity, now if its coupled with intruging character traits he may choose to want to get to know a woman further or if he becomes disinterested he will prey on that weakness. 2. He will realize that the woman exudes a certain confidence and mystique and he will want to pursue her, for she is an interesting challenge. 3. He may find the woman interesting but feel as though she may make a great friend, someone to simply chill with. As the conversation ends both may realize it was enjoyable and it may end with a good-bye, nice speaking with you . The pivotal moment where you may exchange numbers occurs and by that first conversation he has summed up what will happen when you call or he knows the intent to which he will call you. 1. Sex or 2. Conversation...lol..then sex.

I gave this brief man brain synopsis to give a sort of background to how I learned to read a man's face and understand them when they would tell me you're different, there's something I like about you. For years those words haunted me, only because everytime I would hear them the same actions would follow. The man and I have day long conversations, he wines and dines me, tells me his hopes and fears, admits that he's not yet ready for the real love deal but somehow I make him feel it. The good part ends there because then in my world it transitions into another phase, the phase when I'm left all alone and confused by why we no longer speak and wondering what happened?

After sometime I realize why the pattern was the same, in the beginning I didn't care or give a damn. I would tell the manthe truth, I would argue over opinion, I would tell jokes, I would be myself.... but as soon as any emotion would flush in I would change now I was afraid to give my opinion, I would tell him what he wanted to hear, I would give him what he may have not deserved (that was easy!), I would become like the other women he has dated and dismissed, I would lose that shine that made me different in his eyes. The good ole smile and wave would win in my internal battle because I didn't master myself enough to manage myself when I began to love.

-Beanz

What Is 6 Inches Long, 2 Inches Wide And Drives Women Crazy?

It's money! Many people who don't come from a rich family always dream about becoming rich or being married into wealth. How often does this happen? In a recent song entitled "Statistics" by Lyfe Jennings he says "Be the person you want to find, don't be a nickel out here looking for a dime". It bothers me that women look for the men to have it all, be dressed to the "T" with the latest fashion, fancy cars, a nice house, and a well paying job... This is fine and dandy but what do you have to offer? Do you yourself have all that you require of the next man?!?!? So what makes you think men want to be with a woman who doesn't have at least what they have to bring to the table if not more? Its funny that sometimes you see some fine woman with not so attractive men and you think to yourself how did they end up together? it's simple... a man with money can offset himself. Woman expect more from men than they do for themselves but those same woman still live at home, don't have a car, working a minimum wage job, and parents are still paying there bills ... I mean really? Can you actually support yourself with the money that you make, meaning paying all your bills and taking care of yourself and not depended on others to do it for you? If you can answer yes then I'm not talking to you but if not then why do you expect the next man to pick up your slack? so if you yourself don't have these things then it's ridiculous to require someone else to have them. If you are dating a man for his money odd are he's already figured it out and once he gets what he wants from you and becomes bored he'll be on to the next one. Then what? Often times woman pass up a good man because they can't see past the money instead of seeing the person for who they are. Everyone has potential. Take the Obama's for example. Michelle and Barack met at a law firm where Michelle was employed and Barack was an intern. When they did get married Michelle was the bread winner in the household for years and now look at them!! According to Karrine Stephans Money should never be the driving motivation for entering a relationship. Be the dowry. A woman who OFFERS plenty will always get plenty in return... think about it

-Mcgee

Its Clear

Its clear that I am truly wasting my time…. To him I am a weak female when honestly and truly im not… I care for someone who I believe in return is just milking me for all that I am worth… he doesn’t really care like I thought and all the things he said about marriage which became being friends, to taking me with me when he makes it to the top is all just some game and I know it… He doesn’t do too much for me but take and take and take. I think he’s maybe cooked me dinner once, paid for a movie ticket once or twice and occasionally dinner… This doesn't even compare to what all I have done. And here I still feel sorry and still care and will go out of my way for him…. I put myself through some stupid shit and I know better. He doesn’t care and not many men do! I am not appreciated by any means or respected… but what does that say about his character a trifling man. I do too much I give to much of myself and people take full advantage… I have the hardest time speaking my mind. If only I can say how I really feel without caring what others think I probably wouldn't be in this predicament. I just want to love and be loved but apparently that would be askin way too much. He’s not totally to blame for this because I allowed it to happen. This is the second time this has happened, first with my ex and now him. I have got to put an end to this. I doubt seriously that the things Ive done for him he would do in return for me…. And that’s sad. And for some reason through all of this I am having a hard time letting go. Ive got to be strong and realize that I am worth so much more… so much more. I go into these situations knowing what the deal is and still continue to deal with it. Sometimes I have my days where I am strong and know that I am worth more and then other times I don’t care and get sucked back in… This is what happens when you lower your standards and step out of reality and think about the potential of what could be… I know not all men are trifling gold diggers. Never had a father figure in my life or if I did they some how did me wrong and this is no different from the men who I seem to be attracted too, daddy wasn’t there to love and nurture me and neither are any of them. And when a really good guy does step to me I pass him up for what I am comfortable with the one who resembles my father. What will it take for me to allow myself to realize that I am worthy of a good man? I don’t know but hopefully God will see me through.

-Mcgee

Letting Go

Through the years Ive had one pleasant relationship and I broke up with him to try something different which turned out to be nothing more than a CB. Since then its been nothing but dating escapades and one crazy relationship. Ive endured a lot of pain being lied too and being played but Ive learned a lot also. As crazy as it sounds even if I knew the reality of the situation in some cases I would stick around in hopes things would change (sound familiar?)... That that person would realize the good person I am and wonderful girlfriend I would make. The truth of the matter is not all situations and relationships are not meant to be. In the process of realizing I have to let it go I sometimes struggle, constantly wondering how that person really feels about me, do they care, questioning what they say or what they do or lack there of, wondering will things change and go back to the way they use to be. So once one realizes the reality of the situation why is that we sometimes have a hard time letting go? It is because of time and energy invested in someone to just let it go is too overwhelming. Perhaps its because you're use to that person being around and you never quite imagined or even wanted to imagine what it would be like without them. People may forget what you said, they may even forget what you did, but they will never forget the way you made them feel. It takes twenty one to twenty eight days to form a habit and roughly twenty one days to break it. During that time I know me personally I'm constantly wondering where they are, who there with, what there doing, did they move on, do they think about me,so on and so forth. I wonder when and if they will they try to contact me. I winder if I'll ever see them again or if one day the two of us will one day be able to be friends. The things I do and places I go and things I hear remind me of them... letting go of course takes time but out of sight out of mind and the feelings that you once felt will slowly fade away. You were fine before they came along and you will be fine after them. Nothing is ever a waste of time and there is always a lesson to be learned...

-McGee

Attracted To You

Im attracted to men who aren't worthy of me... men who don't treat me the way I ought to be treated. Men who don't do anything for me. I give out the kindness of my heart and without necessarily expecting anything in return and typically I'm attracted to men who just take and take and take. Im attracted to men who aren't exactly on my level but i some how look past that because I see the potential of what could be. I'm attracted to the men who i don't hear from unless I reach out. I'm attracted to the men who down play our friendship and or relationship. I'm attracted to the men who tell me how they feel but neglect to actually show me. I'm attracted to the men who trick me into believing they like and care about me but they know they don't. I'm attracted to the men who lie about unnecessary things maybe to there benefit or maybe to spare my feelings. I'm attracted to the men who lack the characteristics of what a real man should posses. I'm attracted to the men who make me feel as if I don't mean anything to them and could care less about me. I'm attracted to the men who don't appreciate me maybe when it's too late or maybe not at all. I'm attracted to the men who can't have who they want so I fill that void for the time being. I'm attracted to the men who don't keep their word and to the men who use me and don't see anything wrong with doing so. I'm attracted to the men who think that I can't see through there bullsh*t but I can. I'm attracted to the men who enjoy playin games. Yes... I am attracted to you.

If Your Girl Only Knew

It amazes me that the women that are so confident in that their boyfriends or husbands would not cheat on them are the main ones who significant other are cheating on them. Let’s take Gloria on basketball wives for example she always said Matt would never cheat on her so on and so forth and well he did. While the woman who are insecure about there relationship are the ones whose boyfriends and husbands are actually faithful… now im not saying this is true in all relationships but I’ve watched and I’ve listened to those in relationships… Ive not experienced being the other woman but the opportunity has presented itself on more than one occasion.“ What you won’t do another one will” and please believe it’s true!! Cheating does not discriminate whether you’re in a relationship, engaged, or married it doesn’t matter. Please your partners and pay attention to there needs and tend to them! I see people going out and finding side pieces and hear about it all the time… Ive been approached by people who are in relationships saying they are happy with there relationship but need some spice in there life and was hoping I can be that person to provide that spice… Ive also been in a situation with someone who proposed to there girlfriend and about a month later had been begging to get in my pants and this continued well after they were married. Ive been approached by a well known local celebrity who has asked me to join them in there hotel room after a night of partying on several occasions who is “happily” married with a kids. Oh and lets not forget the basketball player and music artists. And I believe that even though my ex boyfriend and I were in a “relationship” once the relationship had ended the truth came out and it was if I was the woman on the side to a certain degree. Cheating has been going on for years and I doubt it’s going anywhere and I truly believe its becoming second nature unfortunately… There have been plenty of songs about cheating and being the side piece, for instance Fabulous says in one of his songs, “a meal ain’t complete without something on the side”. Pleasure P in his song Boyfriend #2, “I don’t mind being the dude on the side, ya dig”. Are people really ok with being a side piece? I know some people just do not care. In a article I read according to the article sometimes the “jump offs” have it better than the wifey. If other woman or men weren’t so comfortable with being a side piece then maybe there would be less cheating. Why would you want to share another mans woman or another mans wife? Does the fact that women out number men play a role in this? I know in Atlanta there are many beautiful women so men have many options so I believe some look for something better than the great they already have. Then there are others who choose not to settle down and sometimes string women along! I think the fact that there aren’t enough men to go around women and men settle for being a side piece. I guess something is better than not having anyone at all for some.

-McGee

love letters

I was laying here thinking about the various types of men I've been with. I've been with a "thug", seriously he was a gang banger. I've been with a "casanova", lol this guy used to wear fur coats to the club and would ask me to hold it while we danced and all hell would break loose if I or anyone else would dare step on his shoes. I've dated an "athlete", he was a top ball player for one of the neighboring universities near mine, and let's just say I learned what the term groupie was at a young age, hence why I despise any woman who stoops to that level. I've dated a few local celebs, mostly trying to make it rappers who have their song on the local radio.lol. I've dated the "intellect", I had to step my political, financial, and classic novels knowledge up. I dated a club promoter who taught me the street hustle.Those were the poignant few I remember that stood out because their character titles fit them soooo well. I currently date a model. But the one I remember most was the man who wrote me love letters.

After dating all these different types of men, I remember how I would pray to God to send me a different type of man a better man. You know caring, understanding of my needs, sensitive, God fearing, etc. I mean I went hard with it. I always told myself if I keep having the same problem with men being users and not valuing me, then the problem isn't them its me. There was something about me that opened the door for them to treat me a certain way or get in a relationship with me, have sex and be done with the romance they used to win me over. It was a deblitating pattern. So I went on a quest to nuture the woman in me and I became celibate. I wouldn't even open my legs for the finest of men, they would just have to lay in the bed and deal with their hardened problem. I began to gain more confidence and learn how to woo men with my character rather than just with my beauty.

Then he came into my life, he wasn't the most handsome of men but something about him intrigued me. I could go down my checklist of what I want in man and easily check them off. Then he did something I never expected he wrote me love letters. Not the movie type love letters, but letters where he shared with me what he could not speak. He ran deeper into my mind and expressed what my mind did to him. It won me. I thought each letter was the most beautiful thing I could have ever imagined. He would also attach a cd of music complied with songs we both adored and songs that made him think of me. It was the best type of romance this type of girl could've asked for.

But then the scared "beanz" came out I was beginning to feel things and I thought if I open up all the way some how he is going to hurt me. So I pulled away and I pushed him away. And we began to speak less and less. The last letter he wrote me kind of foreshadowed what was beginning to occur. He left me with the words: and even if we grow a part I can feel you were brought into my life for a reason, you have opened up a side of my that I shut off for so long and I thank you. I cried when I read that because I knew our rendezvous was coming to an end all because I couldn't handle not being in control of emotions.

I still have his letters and my pretty sure he still has mine, I just want to remind everyone to pay attention to who comes into your life. Learn to let go when their time is up and re-evaluate yourself after they have made their depature. Are you stronger, wiser, more kind? Even if it was on bad terms, always seek to learn more about yourself and in time you will begin to find out what makes you truly happy.

-Beanz

A Ring? Try Putting a Title On It

A Ring? Try Putting a Title On It

by T.S Johnson on Tuesday August 3rd 2010

So on the Vh-1 hit “What Chilli Wants,” Chilli went on a date with the super fine Keston Karter and Keston explained how he dated a woman for an entire year, but she wasn’t his girlfriend. He cared for her and they spent all kinds of time together, but she wasn’t his girlfriend. They weren’t seeing anyone else, but she wasn’t his girlfriend. And when Chilli asked why she wasn’t his girlfriend, he said something about titles being limiting.

Chilli look dumbfounded and truth be told so was I.

I call this scenario the “Quasi-Relationship” with the “Not-Boyfriend.” You all are together in every way, but name only and since he’s not your boyfriend, a fact he will gladly remind you of the moment he does something you don’t like, you don’t really have any say in what he does or doesn’t do. How convenient for him.

I get the man’s side of this. It’s the perfect set-up. You get to have the exclusivity of having a girlfriend, but without any of the commitment -because let’s face it…the difference between calling a chick your “friend” and your “girlfriend,” is how you view your commitment to her.

At the end of the day you teach people how to treat you and somewhere along the us womenfolk have given men many new and creative ways to avoid committing to us. It’s not enough that many men will date a woman for years and hop-skip-run and jump to avoid “putting a ring on it.” Now they don’t want to claim you as their girlfriend, the most basic form of commitment.

Beyonce’s anthem was calling for a ring, but let’s be real, if you can’t get a man to put a title on it, how in the hell are you ever going to get him to put a ring on it?

It’s the same thing with the difference between (most) co-habiting couples and married couples. The married couples have taken a firm commitment to each other. The co-habiting couples tend to be there on a “try and see” basis.

However, for women, these low-commitment relationships rarely work. Every woman I know in one of these quasi-relationships is rarely truly happy with the situation. Most want a title, but they agree because they really care for the guy and he’s somehow convinced him that, though he’s not ready now, he will be someday.

Someday.

The reality is, just like with the promise of a ring, someday never comes. Just as the co-habiting couple rarely turns to marriage, the quasi-relationship rarely turns into a full relationship. And in the end many women end up hurt, bitter with another failed “relationship” to get over. Why put up with the drama of a relationship, the ups and downs, the possible (and likely) heartbreak if you don’t even have a firm commitment from the guy you’re involved with?

I believe a woman is selling herself short if what she wants is a relationship and instead she settles for this poor substitute. If you want a relationship have a relationship. There’s no shame in that and there’s no shame in telling a man what you want and expect from him. Your wants, needs and desires shouldn’t be held up because some man in your life isn’t ready. If he’s not ready…move on…let him know to hit you up when he is…and hope you’re not already taken.