Why the Jump Off May Have It Better Than The Wifey

Why the Jumpoff May Have It Better Than Wifey

by T.S Johnson on Wednesday July 28th 2010

by TS Johnson

It seems like when it comes to famous men, their ladies and their jumpoffs – everyone acts like the jump offs are the problem. Somehow if he is your man then you’re the winner in the, “I Got Me a Baller,” sweepstakes. The reality of the situation is quite different. As far as I’m concerned, in the ongoing battle between The Wifey and The Jumpoff – the jump off is the winner, and here’s why:

1. I Have His Heart. Really? So what does having his heart mean exactly? He likes you a lot? He loves you? We know it doesn’t mean sexual fidelity. Does it mean he’ll be there for wifey if she’s sick? She’ll be there for him if he’s sick? What? Does it mean that it’s special when wifey gives him “head”? ’Cause let’s be real…she’s giving him head too. And here’s the thing…what makes wifey think he doesn’t like/love the jumpoff?

2. He Takes Care of Me. Okay…but to quote T.I. – It ain’t tricking if you got it. And anyone whose read any of Karrine Steffan’s books knows that ballers don’t mind dropping major cash on the other woman. So it doesn’t seem like wifey is getting a leg up on the jumpoff in this category either. Yes, if you’re married there are legal protections there (just look at what divorce is costing Tiger Woods)…but it doesn’t stop the jumpoff from getting broke off. And if she’s smart, any big ticket item she gets will be in her name. Legally the wife wouldn’t be able to touch said gifts if they ended up in divorce or upon his death. So you have Louis and she’s has Louis – seems like a draw to me. And if you’re just the girlfriend and not the wife…well…ask the Basketball Wives how well that’s worked out for them.

3. I”m the Mother of His Children. Ask Kim, P. Diddy’s ex, how well that’s worked out for her. Diddy’s jumpoff in Atlanta has his baby too and is getting fat checks as well. Nuff said.

4. Quality Time. So the wifey gets quality time? She goes on vacations and other expensive trips. Sure, but so does the jumpoff. Going back to the Jumpoff Bible…Steffans went on many an expensive trip and stayed in many an expensive hotel on somebody else’s man’s dime. My homeboy used to do marketing and PR for some of Miami’s top clubs and when D. Wade and Hoopz were dating he used to see them out and about….his wife was at home…pregnant…with his other son. And let’s not forget when T.I. was on the Mo’nique show Hoopz was sitting in the front row of the audience. Where was Tiny?

So I ask again: How is wifey the winner in all of this? The other woman is doing quite well. She’s getting money that could be spent on wifey and her kids. She’s getting time that could be spent with wifey and her kids. She’s getting sex that wifey could be getting.

And more often than not, the jumpoff doesn’t have to deal with him when he’s tired, sick, injured or what not. She gets all the good times while wifey gets everything else.

So really, what does wifey have that the jumpoff doesn’t have?

His heart?

Yeah.

Okay.

Regular Girls

I opened my inbox this morning to 1 of at least 10 or so emails I’ve received from “regular girls” with degrees who wondered why celebrities don’t consider them the “pick of the litter”. It left me wondering, why women with so much potential are so hellbent on dating a rapper or a celeb? I’ve come to the conclusion that even though these women have their own, they want to be a part of that lifestyle.

Anyway, we interviewed R&B singer Lyfe Jennings for BitchieLife.com recently and he had some interesting views on why celebrities are settling for the video vixen, stripper, etc versus the regular girl with multiple degrees etc. Peep the letter I received and then his response below:

Jessica wrote:
Hey Ms Necole, I just had a few questions for you… I wonder why celebrity men never date “Regular” girls? It’s like every time I turn on my television I see video vixen and rappers or celebrities with other celebrities. I mean why do men fall for women who has slept around? Or for women who has a name for themselves? I am a very well educated woman who has her stuff together. I pay my bills on time, I have two degrees and I am currently working on my third degree… I have my own house and two cars (which I may add is paid for). I carry myself like a woman is suppose to. I have to admit we have some very nice looking black men in the industry today, but they are not looking for a “Regular” woman. To be honest with you I am not sure what they are looking for, but I do know and feel it’s time for a change. Not all women is looking for a hand-out; I think that is one of the reason why they date other celebrities. I also, hear celebrities say,”I don’t date fans”. They do not date fans, but they will get with a “Groupie”. I’m lost. I just want to know why Celebrities will not give us average a chance? I would love to hear your feedback

Lyfe Jennings Response:

I think that man is just attracted to a woman who is free. She’s just living her life and in connection, she makes him feel free too. You have to understand that before coming into the industry, most cats were just regular dudes who never had a chance to get with someone that’s hot like that. And now they can get these chicks that’s just living her life and is live, she makes him live too.

[But you] should actually be flattered by that. Because you are going to attract who you are. This dude might have a great career but he might not be a great person so he is not going to be attracted to a great woman. The Amber Rose, Kat Stacks, etc.. All that is temporary. But that woman that is working hard every day to provide for herself and her family; mentally, spiritually, intellectually, emotionally… that’s forever! Because them tittays are gonna sag one day. Those tittays are going to be down by your belly button one day and you’re gonna need something else to keep your man.


Read more: Lyfe Jennings to “Regular Girls”: “You Should Be Flattered A Rapper Doesn’t Want You” | Necole Bitchie.com

Just A Thought

I made a statement on twitter which read:

"I use to want to be in a relationship and wanted to some day get married but in not too sure about that anymore #shrug"

Someone questioned me and this is why:

because my experience with men for the past 5 years have horrible. No one wants to be in relationships anymore men just want cut buddies... or they are in relationships and just want side pieces... and I'm not totally blaming the men Ive dealt with because its also my fault. And I really believe that not having a father accounts for a part of it... Now that's Not to say I haven't met any good guys but they just don't interest me... Then being faithful till death do us part... A huge part of me doesn't believe it can happen from personal experience and also what I see and hear... Being in a relationship and marriage really scares me it really does and I do not want to be hurt. And also I don't believe I will come across someone and like or love them and the feeling be mutual... I just don't see it happening. Not to say that it won't but I personally don't see it happening...

-McGee

What Makes A "Good" Girlfriend According to Guys

I hit the streets to find out straight from the mouths of men, what makes a great girlfriend. Is it nightly nookie, legs for miles, free time with the guys or just a BFF to call their own? Well, interestingly form coast to coast, 20-something to 40-something, guys pretty much all want the same things, and truth be told, their formula is a lot less complex than ours tend to be. Follow the recipe below to become a keeper in the eyes and heart of men.

A great girlfriend is a woman who:

1. ENCOURAGES FREEDOM. “All of my relationships have started to sour when my girlfriends began suffocating and trying to control me. As they attempted to police my every action and rob me of my freedom, we became adversaries.” – James, NY, 25

2. TRUSTS HER MAN. “If I catch a girl searching my phone or she starts suspiciously questioning me, it is over. A great girlfriend is secure in herself, and trusts me. If you put your faith in me, your feelings on the line and just trust me, the last thing I want to do is disappoint you.” – Shay, San Francisco, 35

3. HAS SIMILAR INTERESTS. “I need to have the same idea of what fun is as my girlfriend does. For example, I am a speed tourist – I can’t last with someone who would take 7 hours at the Vatican – 2 hours is plenty; I want to see the waterfall, not hike in it for hours, and so on. We need to like the same kind of restaurants, parties, etc. Also, be willing to try “my” things because I will be willing to try yours.” – Mark, Seattle, 43

4. HAS A COMPATIBLE SEX DRIVE. “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want sex as much as me, or more than me. We definitely need to be on the same page in bed.” – Gregory, Houston, 31

5. HAS A LIFE OF HER OWN. “The biggest thing that separates a good girlfriend from an OK one is someone who has a life of their own. If the relationship is a girl’s primary focus, invariably she finds things missing in it whereas if it’s a supportive compliment to the rest of her life’s goals and interests, the little things are no big deal.” – Matt, Los Angeles, 27

6. KNOWS WHEN TO ZIP IT. “Good girlfriends don’t nag or hassle you or argue all the time. When you complain all the time to me, I stop listening and start thinking about something else, so you are really just wasting your time.” – T, Grand Rapids, 38

7. LIKES TO COOK. “I don’t need an Iron Chef but a woman who can throw down a respectable meal or two is really important. Not only is it nice to be cooked for every once in awhile, but this can be an indicator that she is mom material.” – Michael, Providence, 34

8. IS ATTENTIVE BUT NOT CLINGY IN PUBLIC. “I’m all for a little kissing and cuddling when out, but save the show for the bedroom. If a girl needs to be attached to me 100% of the time when we are out that shows me that she has to prove to herself and others our status which is a real turnoff.” – Jason, Montreal, 33

9. GOSSIPS WITH HER GIRLFRIENDS. “I want to be my girlfriend’s boyfriend, not her girlfriend. I can’t stand it when a girl blabs on and on about her friends’ drama or even worse celebrity gossip.” – David, Baltimore, 28

10. IS A POSITIVE PERSON. “Just be happy. Be someone I look forward to seeing because of your light, positive energy – project sunshine. ” – Jandre, Washington, DC, 35

11. IS A SLOW PACED REALIST. “Please ladies, don’t ask to have “the talk” about exclusivity after a month, or bring me to meet your parents on our 3rd date. I don’t want to talk about what it would be like to have kids with you just because you saw a cute kid on our 4th date. And buying me a gift to celebrate two months of dating is out of the question. Take it slow and let things unravel naturally.” – Kevin, Phoenix, 29

12. DOESN’T FLIRT WITH MY FRIENDS. “A good girlfriend, no matter what, will never ever NEVER flirt with my friends, no matter who much better looking they are than me.” – Keith, Miami, 24

13. TELLS ME WHAT IS WRONG WHEN I ASK. “I am done dating girls who make me guess what is wrong with them. When I ask, just tell me. Be assertive with what you want, what you need, what you think and how you feel. Otherwise, you come across as an emotional basketcase and that makes you a bad girlfriend.” – Pat, Portland, 28

14. DOESN’T TRY TO MAKE ME JEALOUS. “I’m not a jealous person and girls who try to make me jealous are not cool. Also, don’t perform secret little tests to see what I will do in certain situations – I know what you are up to and I will pass every time, but you will fail because it is annoying and shows that you are insecure in our relationship.” – David, Chicago, 32

15. DRESSES SEXY BUT NOT SLUTTY. “I like my girlfriends to maintain their look. That means being well groomed and making an effort to look nice. I like a sexy look that shows off her physique but not one that crosses over to looking trampy – a good girlfriend always projects class and saves the real good stuff just for her man.” – Craig, New York, 27

16. DOES LITTLE THINGS TO SHOW SHE CARES. “One of the best things a girlfriend can do to show she cares is to notice the little things that might help me out in my life and take care of them for me – like if I am working late, bring me dinner or if I’ve been complaining that my back is bothering me from a lot of business travel, book a massage for me at my next hotel. These are the things I do for my girlfriends and it is nice to have them reciprocated.” – John, Los Angeles, 36

17. IS CONFIDENT AND COMFORTABLE IN HER OWN SKIN. “You have to be yourself. A thousand percent yourself, all the time. A bad girlfriend morphs herself into what she thinks I want her to be instead of being confident enough in her own skin to just be herself. If we are meant to be a match, our natural selves will mesh, if not, we won’t. I am not going to change for a girl and a girl shouldn’t change for me either.” – Joe, Miami, 34

by Tristan Coopersmith

Reality Sets In

There is nothing worse than caring about someone and having love for someone that doesn't feel the same for you... only for them to pretend to feel the same for you... Ive prayed but there is a reason things haven't worked out... I know it deep inside but sometimes when reality finally sets in it sometimes tends to hurt... but this too shall pass

-McGee