"Rehab" by Rihanna

I'm at one of the lowest points right now... Burying my mother stirs up emotions I've not really dealt with... Its so hard and I can't really turn to anyone because has endured the things that I and am going through. The guy who I thought I was talking to has really hurt my feelings. I'm upset with myself more than anything... He reminds me more of my ex than anything right now. He takes and takes and NEVER gives. I've allowed him to walk over me. He's done nothing but take advantage of me. Dudes can be real ass Holes nowadays its ridiculous and I keep mixing and mingling with them... I need Lord to give me the strength I need to get over my current situation unless a miraculous miracle happens and he changes when it comes to me... Its so hard I'm tired of allowing myself to get hurt. I'm not in love thank God but I do care... I wish I didn't have feelings and things didn't bother me. I don't want to Have feelings anymore I don't like being hurt or disappointed enough is enough... 5 years of the same shit and nothing has changed absolutely nothing... There are too many guys that just don't care that are that selfish... It amazes me. I really want to be emotionless and neutral about everything. I don't want to care about him I don't want to like him... I want him to really care and show it but I'm almost certain that he won't... I feel like I put 8 months of time, energy, and money into somethin that will never prosper and into someone who does not care abo0ut me in the same light way I care about him. My heart is too big and I care waaaaay to much. Im patiently waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet who isn't like anyone Ive dealt with already. Ive got two guys that want to get to know me and take me out but I cannot do it... I need God to help me with this one. After you've been treated a certain way for MANY years by various guys and people close to you it's real hard to break the cycle it really is and its a gradual process... Its about self love and ill admit Im not quite there yet but Im getting there...