Holla not Hola!

Continuation....

So pretty much as I stated b4 this weekend has been tough for me. I have tried not to contact my homeboy because everything in me just wants to go to his house, spend the night and see what happens. We have a history in the past we have had relations, not intercourse per se...but let's just say I gave him something to eat. Haha. Anyways its soooo troubling. I have asked my co-workers if its considered cheating if that's all I want done again. They all agreed that it was but also encouraged the fact that I'm young and I should have "fun" and also emphasied that most men cheat anyways so what does it matter if "I get mine on." I have never intentionally cheated before and by intentional I mean, knowing I was going to do it, who I was going to do it with, and had a reason to do so. The one time I cheated it was a reaction to the abandonment and cheating of my former boyfriend but the way things played out I vowed never to do that again. I began to think about what my homeboy told me. About what he could be for me and how he wanted to take care of me. I remembered the energy between us and how he made me feel good. And then I remembered a couple of years ago and whe REALLY made me feel good..lol..but then I also remembered the loving and understanding Man that I have, and thought about if I really want to compromise what I have yet to experience with him for something that could simply just be hormones raging on both ends.

Its hard when temptation is sooo near but at the same time my homeboy has done nothing for me but lust after me. I am a fantasy for him something he hasn't fully aquired but wants to try. I am the symbolism of whatever lacked in his previous relationship. I feel as though if he gets what he wants from me, he will be satisfied to finally feel like its okay to go back to his girlfriend because he has spread his loins. But then again the fantasy goes both ways if I get what I want from him who's to say that a secret dirty situation won't sprout a continous cheaters syndrome. I just can't be that. I'm going to try to stay strong. If I can get through this, I know I can get through any other bump our budding relationship may encounter. So I'm going to work.. ughh who knew a long distance relationship would be so hard..I guess this is what people tried to warn me about, but honestly we really compliment one another so to ruin this would just be plain stupid...people may wonder how do you know he's holding up his end of the bargain, where he is? The truth is I don't know but I will have enough faith in us to believe that we are both working hard. The truth in anything always comes out. This is not my first relationship if anything were to occur there are plenty of men out there who will quickly snatch me up...but I don't want to think like that. I want have the faith that this will be the last relationship. So its holla not hola on this one. I'm going to work on this...

But its really. Really hard.

Beanz