So I realize I have a problem...I think I'm scared of commitment! Yea I know to realize and to think something are two different planes...but its a problem I'm sure of but the self doubt comes from the reason of why that's behind it. So in my last post I basically broke up with my bf..and I felt free...but now there's another guy in the picture and he likes me equally as much...yet..now I'm scared to go further with it...maybe because the thrill of the chase never ensued...I don't know...but then there's this other guy who is my on again off again sometime love...and I find myself enjoying him more even though everything about us is sooo unclear...there's no real idea on whether we will be together or not..or even if we will work..but its that ambiguity that makes me latch on and enjoy...yet I know that the new guy in the picture wants to be with me.. heck even my ex wants to get back together...yet I run away from it...I run far...far away..ughh what's wrong with me...I do want to be in a relationship...I do want to feel all of the butterflies...I do want to constantly have him on my mind...I do (dare I say it) want to be in love...but I guess I'm just scared by choosing one over the other I will miss out on something...but then again if I choose no one I will end up alone... and lord knows I don't want that...what's a girl to do...lol my love guru nicole..always tells me I'm young and I should just play the field...ugh but its so hard for an emotional girl like me to even keep up with the score...
Until next time...we will see what this evolves into...
-Beanz
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